I love my husband, but I'm hurt as his ability to move on so quickly. Other than to ask how I'm doing or give me a hug, he has shown no emotion about this loss. He was excited at the ER when they confirmed the pregnancy. We joked about minivans and Christmas, but once it was clear how serious the situation was, how unlikely it would be that I would keep the baby, he became reserved. When we found out for sure the baby was gone, he was more concerned for me.
He's been supportive. I shouldn't complain. And yet, part of my sorrow is that I feel so wholly alone in this grief. I don't want him to hurt and yet I want to know he's sad too. I'm not sure he is and that hurts me deeply.
I know pregnancy is different for men and women. He was never the type to hold my belly or talk to the baby in utero. He did, however, get me take-out, medicine, go to childbirth classes, clean, and take care of me. But I was always a little sad that I alone bonded with our unborn child. I longed for him to want that connection then and I wish he had wanted it with our angel. The weekend we waited for the news of the miscarriage, I ached for him to reach out to my belly. To acknowledge I was pregnant if only for a moment.
But that moment has passed. There is no child in my womb. But I loved that child and I miss that child, although he was never really mine. And I wish I could share that with someone.
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