Babies on Everyone's Brains

My friends have babies on the brain, I do not. Well, not in the same way. It's getting to that point for many of us when TTC is coming up. Most of my friends have children around James' age, and I understand the compulsion to want to think about it. I had been thinking about it a lot in the last few months as well. DH and I had joked about it. We both knew it wasn't great timing financially and professionally, but we were both ready to start thinking about #2.

And #2 came along with no planning and no trying and what would have been no stress. Not like James. It was exactly how I wanted to get pregnant the second time and then I lost the baby. Now the whole relax and let it happen plan is shot to hell.

But what's killing me is the talk of babies. Suddenly every one is talking about HPTs and temping and charts, and I'm a wreck. I love my friends. They are amazing women and they were there for me when I miscarried. But I want to scream "Stop with all the baby talk! It's killing me!" But how can I? I understand they are excited. I understand they want babies. I want another one too, but I don't begin to know when I physically and emotionally will be able to try again.


I suppose I feel left out. How stupid is that? But it's more than that. It's different than being the girl left out at recess. I can't describe it. It's feeling robbed and cheated - feeling as though I have been violated and constantly reminded of it.

I wish them all the best, but I'm not sure when I'll crack.