Friday, August 31, 2007
Who the hell thought of teething?
Seriously is this necessary? Just give it to them in the womb when they are comfy and doped up on amniotic fluid. I don't mind risking bitten nipples, since I am already a human teething ring. Think about it...tiny, hard pearls twisting up through tender, baby gums while they can't speak or, in my case, even hold a teething ring. And what's with this freakishly early teething? James is three months old. The kid is going to be in braces by the time he's 2 at this rate.
Getting to Know You.
Apparently in modern times the best way to get to know someone is by filling an email-forwarded questionnaire. I know this because people who have known me 10+ years send them to me all the time. So here goes:
GRUB-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice? Sesame ginger
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? McD's - I love the fries...
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Addison's
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? Depends on the service. A few times I have had truly appalling service and that warrants a special “tip“ like “Your socializing infringes on my time“ or “Don't make your customer get their own refill from the bar.“ I used to wait tables and I don't buy into that hooey that once you have done it you always appreciate your waiter. I can tell the difference between someone who is really busy and someone who should never have taken a service job. For great service, I'll go as high as 30-35%.
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Breakfast burritos
Name three foods you detest above all others: Coconut, nuts, and brussel sprouts
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Empress chicken
What are your pizza toppings of choice? I love lots of veggies, sausage, and pepperoni
What do you like to put on your toast? Peanut butter and jelly
What is your favorite type of gum? Bubble Yum - something fruity
TECH-OLOGY
Number of contacts in your cell phone? No clue
Number of contacts in your email address book? which email address
What is your wallpaper on your computer? my baby boy
What is your screensaver on your computer? stars
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? Not that I know of.
How many land line phones do you have in your house? None
How many televisions are in your house? 2
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? Coffee pot
What is the radio station you listen to the most? radio? lol...how about Baby Mozart on cd
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? Hmmm, at least three...
BI-OLOGY
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? I am told my skin, but I have to go with my boobs.
Are you right handed or left handed? Right handed
Do you like your smile? Yes and no, wish I had braces as a kid
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? My wisdom teeth and a baby
Would you like to? No, well, maybe some cellulite
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Actually yes, I keep a set of Jane Austen novels in there.
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? my sixth one
When was the last time you had a cavity? Never
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? my baby in the ridiculously heavy infant carrier
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No.
MISC-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? No, as Chris Rock said in Dogma, “It takes all the flavor out of the remaining years."
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? Wow, always hated my first name, but it would seem weird to change it. I think I have to keep it.
How do you express your artistic side? I write.
What color do you think you look best in? Greens, reds.
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? I would have my own gang in no time (do they have gangs in medium security prisons?)
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? A gnat
If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? No
How often do you go to church? looking for a church that will satisfy my agnostic husband.
Have you ever saved someone’s life? Possibly
Has someone ever saved yours? No
DARE-OLOGY
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Yes, I am that desperate for money.
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Refer to above answer.
Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? Refer to above question and add how ecstatic my husband would be.
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? I draw the line at loss of limb
Would you never blog again for $50,000? I could give it up
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? As long as they airbrush some stuff
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? I would probably throw up
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? NO
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? No, I have this mole on the top of my head and body waxing hurts!
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? Just tv, can I watch dvds?
GRUB-OLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice? Sesame ginger
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? McD's - I love the fries...
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Addison's
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? Depends on the service. A few times I have had truly appalling service and that warrants a special “tip“ like “Your socializing infringes on my time“ or “Don't make your customer get their own refill from the bar.“ I used to wait tables and I don't buy into that hooey that once you have done it you always appreciate your waiter. I can tell the difference between someone who is really busy and someone who should never have taken a service job. For great service, I'll go as high as 30-35%.
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Breakfast burritos
Name three foods you detest above all others: Coconut, nuts, and brussel sprouts
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Empress chicken
What are your pizza toppings of choice? I love lots of veggies, sausage, and pepperoni
What do you like to put on your toast? Peanut butter and jelly
What is your favorite type of gum? Bubble Yum - something fruity
TECH-OLOGY
Number of contacts in your cell phone? No clue
Number of contacts in your email address book? which email address
What is your wallpaper on your computer? my baby boy
What is your screensaver on your computer? stars
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? Not that I know of.
How many land line phones do you have in your house? None
How many televisions are in your house? 2
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? Coffee pot
What is the radio station you listen to the most? radio? lol...how about Baby Mozart on cd
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? Hmmm, at least three...
BI-OLOGY
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? I am told my skin, but I have to go with my boobs.
Are you right handed or left handed? Right handed
Do you like your smile? Yes and no, wish I had braces as a kid
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? My wisdom teeth and a baby
Would you like to? No, well, maybe some cellulite
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Actually yes, I keep a set of Jane Austen novels in there.
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? my sixth one
When was the last time you had a cavity? Never
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? my baby in the ridiculously heavy infant carrier
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No.
MISC-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? No, as Chris Rock said in Dogma, “It takes all the flavor out of the remaining years."
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? Wow, always hated my first name, but it would seem weird to change it. I think I have to keep it.
How do you express your artistic side? I write.
What color do you think you look best in? Greens, reds.
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? I would have my own gang in no time (do they have gangs in medium security prisons?)
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? A gnat
If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? No
How often do you go to church? looking for a church that will satisfy my agnostic husband.
Have you ever saved someone’s life? Possibly
Has someone ever saved yours? No
DARE-OLOGY
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Yes, I am that desperate for money.
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Refer to above answer.
Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? Refer to above question and add how ecstatic my husband would be.
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? I draw the line at loss of limb
Would you never blog again for $50,000? I could give it up
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? As long as they airbrush some stuff
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? I would probably throw up
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? NO
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? No, I have this mole on the top of my head and body waxing hurts!
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? Just tv, can I watch dvds?
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