The problem with being rational

is that it leads to some very irrational thoughts. We found out Friday we were having another baby, but since I had been bleeding off and on since the 12th, I tried not to get too excited. Yesterday, it was confirmed that we lost the baby.

I had tried not to be too hopeful or too excited. But when I had looked up my edd, I was due on Christmas and I just knew that meant I would have a Christmas miracle. I was wrong. I'm not angry at God or the doctor or my husband, mostly just mad at myself for wanting to believe it could still happen.

So I've been rationalizing it all to myself in attempt to understand why it happened. Why did I lose the baby? Why should I have hope? Why did I take the test?

So far, in no particular, irrational order, I've come up with: I lost the baby because I am still breastfeeding. I lost the baby because I am too stressed out. I lost the baby because I eat too much fast food because I am too stressed out to cook. I lost the baby because I cleaned out the cat box and ate a turkey sandwich. I lost the baby because my hormones are nuts. I lost the baby because something is wrong with me. I lost the baby because its bad timing. I lost the baby because I wasn't in tune with my body.

See how a rational mind can become very irrational when rationalizing? I mean the cat box and turkey sandwich?